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Blow Daddy - The other side

With tensions rising between India and Pakistan, sense hitting rock-bottom among the Pak top brass and India trying every diplomatic trick in the box to get Islamabad to act, I cannot but wonder what it might be like on the other side of the Radcliffe Line. Here's probably what might be happening in a typical Pakistan home...

Note: This is not a strictly original post; it is inspired from an aricle by Nadeem Paracha, a highly controversial Pak journalist. Hence any resemblance whatsoever to any person or character, living or dead, is not unintentional and not regretted.



Daddy?

Yes, son.

Are we going to have a war with India?

Perhaps.

Oh, goody. We will thrash them, right? Like we did in 1857!

It wasn’t in 1857, son.

Oh, okay. But whom did we thrash in 1857?

The British, son…

And the Hindus too, right?

Well…not really...

Did Quaid-i-Azam fight in that war along with Muhammad bin Qasim and Imran Khan?

No, son. The Quaid and Imran were born much later and Muhammad bin Qasim died many years before.

Then who ruled Pakistan in those days?

There was no Pakistan in those days, son.

But there was always a Pakistan! It has been there for 5,000 years!

Who have you been talking to, son?

No one. I’ve just been watching TV.

It figures.
Never mind.You seem to like wars, son.

Yes. I like to watch them on TV.

But real wars are fought outside the TV, son.

Really? How is that possible? What sort of a war is that?

Aargh! Never mind.

Daddy, you look worried.

Of course, I am, you little warmongering pre-adolescent punk!

Daddy! Why are you scolding me?

Because TV is talking rot and so are you!

Daddy, are you supporting Hindus?

No!

Daddy, have you become a kafir?

Now shut it! No more TV for you! Go watch a movie on DVD or listen to a CD.

Can’t do that.

But we have so many DVDs and CDs, son.

Not any more.

What do you mean?

I burned them all.

What?!

I burned them all.

I heard that! But why?

They spread obscenity.

Oh, God!!! Son, go do your homework. What happened to that science project you were working on?

It’s almost complete.

Good boy. What are you making?

A bomb.

What?!

A bomb.

I heard that! But why?

Because I am a true Muslim who hates America.

But only last week you said you wanted to go to Disney Land!

That’s different.

How?

Mickey Mouse is Muslim.

No, he isn’t.

Well he then he should be. And I'll make sure he will be. I'll make him Mikail Mouse.

Son, you're insane!!!

Now Daddy, do you want to see my science project or not?

Gosh, that bomb? But your science teacher will fail you. You'll be thrown out of school!

No, she wont.

Really?

Yes. I plan to blow her up as well.

God, what is wrong with you? Go call your mother!

She can’t come.

Why not?

I’ve locked her in the kitchen.

But what for?

A woman’s righteous place is in the kitchen. I won't let her out until she covers herself up properly!

But she’s your mother!

She’s also a woman!

So?

So she should be hidden.

Hidden from whom?

The whole world and Tony.

Tony?

Yes, Tony.

But Tony’s a cat.

Yes. But he’s male.


Son, have you gone mad?

No. I'm a proud descendent of the Arabs. By the way, I’ve made sure Kitto starts covering up as well.


Kitto?

Yes, Kittto.


But Kitto’s a cat!

Yes. But a female cat.

But she’ll suffocate.

Oh, she’s already dead.


What?

She’s already dead.


I heard that! But how?

I buried her alive.


You what?

Yes. To avenge Tony’s honour. But now I will behead Tony.


But why?

To save mom’s honour!


Oh, God!

Don’t say that. Always say Allah.


What’s the difference?

Daddy, do you want to be beheaded too?


No!

Do you want to be stoned to death?


No!

Do you want to be flogged?


No!

Do you want to get your arms chopped off?


Heck No!

Then stop asking silly questions. By the way, I won’t call you daddy anymore.

What will you call me then?

Whatever that is Arabic for daddy.

I don’t know any Arabic, son.

That’s because you are a kafir.

Who the heck are you to tell me who I am, you little fascist twit!

What’s a fascist?

An irrational, violent, self-righteous mad man!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!

Why are you crying?

You scolded me...you called me a mad man. I'm going to make sure they issue a Fatwa against calling us Fascists.

Okay okay... I’m sorry. But you have to be tolerant and rational, son and not think about all this. Now be a good boy and go read a book instead of watching TV.

I have no books.

Of course, you do. I bought you so many books.

I burned them.

What???!!!

I burned them.

But why?

They were all in English.

So?

It’s a non-Muslim language!

But we are speaking English, aren’t we?

WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

What now?

You Zionists made me forget my Arabic.

But you never knew any Arabic, son.

WAAAAA! yes, I did until you and mommy gave me those polio drops… AAAAAH!

Okay, tell me, can you do me a favour?

Sure, dad.

Can you blow up something for me?

Oh, goody! Of course, dad. What should I blow? A CD shop, a hotel, a school...?

No, no, something a lot more sinister.

Cool! Mom?

No, no…not your mother.

What then?

The TV set!

What???

Blow the TV set.

I heard that! But why?

Just do it!

But Dad?

Yes. No more questions!

WAAAAH!!! You’re so unconstitutional!!!



Comments

D!V$ said…
good one :)
http://islamicterrorism.wordpress.com/category/humor/
read this... damn funny!

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